Parenting with Patience from A to Z
- Words of wisdom from experienced parents
- Ways to recognize and celebrate your child’s individuality
- How to maintain a balanced role between friend and disciplinarian
At one time or another, every parent will lose her cool. It’s not easy to support a household, a career, and happy, healthy children – all at the same time. If you’re scrambling to keep everything going, check out these 26 parenting tips. Perspective and patience are easy to regain with just a few small words of encouragement.
Allow your child the chance to explain. Even if he or she has broken a major rule, there may be a valid reason for your child’s actions. Lend an ear, before you assume the worst.
Be the adult your child needs you to be. Whether you like it or not, you are setting an example for your child. Knowing that your child is evaluating your behavior can help you to demonstrate patience.
Communicate in a calm voice, whenever you address your child. Focus on speaking quietly and with positive intonation. Kids actually pay better attention to soft speech than to constant yelling or high volume reprimands.
Dodge the pitfalls. If you’re trying to teach your kids a life lesson, timing is everything. Steer clear of pitfalls that will be sure to sabotage your efforts - like hunger, sickness, or naptime.
End the power struggles. You are the parent; your child is not. Work hard to firmly establish these roles by being consistent, not giving in to your child’s protests, and following through on consequences.
Find some sort of middle ground. However committed you may be, kids sometimes have a firmer resolve.If there’s any wiggle room on an issue – whether it’s the refusal to eat certain vegetables or abide by a specific bedtime – strive for a workable compromise. It’s good for kids to learn the process of give and take.
Greet your child with enthusiasm. Even if your child has been pushing your buttons throughout the day, treat every new encounter like a fresh start. Do not let negative feelings carry over from one day to the next. Forgive and forget, and even fake your enthusiasm if you have to.
Hold your tongue. Words hurt and the pain can last a lifetime. Be careful about what you say to your child to avoid saying something you will regret.
Ignore small instances of bad behavior, and praise good behaviors. When kids want your attention, they’ll seek the shortest route. In many cases, that means doing something they know they shouldn’t do. But if you’re generous with your praise, kids will learn to engage you by doing something positive or creative.
Joke around with your child. Humor is an instant stress reliever. If your child is starting to have a meltdown, diffuse the situation through playful teasing, before you resort to threats or warnings.
Keep a cool head. You are in control of your reactions and responses. Avoid slamming doors or throwing objects in frustration. Kids learn all of their anger management skills from you.
Love your child no matter what. Even when kids are at their worst, you need to make it clear that you love them. Always end an argument with a resolution and a hug.
Manage your time wisely. Getting out the door by a certain time is almost always a high stress situation for parents and children. You can avoid a lot of chaos if you plan ahead and brief your kids on the schedule. Allow extra time for lost shoes and last minute bathroom trips.
Never give up. At times it may feel as if your child will never “get it,” but don’t despair. Parenting is the most important job you will ever have, and it takes a lot of determination and perseverance. If you’ve lost patience with a project or a lesson, put it on hold for a day or a week. Then try again with a fresh approach and a renewed spirit.
Offer your child choices so that he or she can be responsible for the outcome. Both choices should be viable options. For example, he or she can choose between wearing sweater A or sweatshirt B. Your child will feel empowered, and hopefully forget about the unrealistic option that he or she originally wanted.
Pick your battles. Kids make 1,000 small mistakes every day. (Adults do too!) If you turn every infraction into a teaching moment, your child will feel “picked on” and scrutinized. Save your corrections for errors that really count, and kids will take your criticism seriously.
Question kids in a manner that does not imply blame. If children feel that they are being falsely accused or misunderstood, the situation will escalate. Take a neutral approach.
Realize that children are going to make mistakes. No one is perfect, and children often lack the ability to make good choices all of the time.
Say it like you mean it. Look your child in the eye, and speak with authority (but not anger), so it is clear that you mean business.
Tune out the noise. Children of all ages are going to be loud from time to time. Sometimes tuning it out, and letting them be kids is the best way to go.
Understand your child’s motivations. Poor choices and bad behavior are often the result of hidden fears and anxiety. Consider this when dealing with your child.
Verify facts before you react. There are two sides to every story. Make sure you know the full story before reacting.
Wait until you calm down before you hand out punishments. Punishments should be commensurate with the wrongdoing that occurred. If you start doling out discipline in the heat of the moment, you may overreact.
eXpect the unexpected. Every now and then, your plans will get messed up and things will go wrong. Surprises – both good and bad – are just another part of being a parent.
Yield to the experts. Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. And it’s not unusual for parents to feel uncertain or confused. If you have a parenting question, don’t be afraid to talk it out with friends or family members. You might also want to borrow a parenting guide from the library or explore online parenting forums.
ZZZZs. If you need to address a serious issue, it is probably better to sleep on it. A new day can bring a new perspective and a renewed level of patience.
Jennifer Applin is a freelance writer and will soon be the mother of six young children born within a 5-year span. Her writing focuses on strategies for busy parents to juggle it all.
Comments for Parenting with Patience from A to Z:
1 comment(s)
lusha On Saturday, October 30 2010
hi my daughter is four and half years.she always does apposite things.like if i will say ur dress is very nece she replies me no not nice,if i says will u eat bread no i will eat that.even she does in school also like this.if her teacher reciting stories'there was a lion'she says immideatly no no there was no lion there was a cow,horse etc.i'm to worried to her and i gets to angry with her.