Letting Go of Guilt
- Holding in feelings of guilt can lower your self-esteem
- Put your needs first on your priority list
- Accept your limitations and praise your personal accomplishments
Guilt and motherhood seem to go hand-in-hand. Moms today struggle with being everything to everyone when limited to just twenty-four hours in a day. They routinely take on full-time roles of caretaker, organizer, scheduler, homework-helper, cook, and housekeeper.
Many of today's mothers have the additional responsibility of meeting the family's financial needs and being a "one-woman-show" in the case of single moms. This vast amount of responsibility and limited amount of time leaves moms barely hanging on by a thread and in turn, ridden with guilt.
The problem is that guilt is unproductive. It leaves you feeling negative and questioning your capabilities, which can drain your energy. The good news is that guilt is merely an attitude—you are in control of your state of mind. Alter your thinking and focus on everything you do accomplish.
Taking on one more time-consuming responsibility like online education may feel like it's just too much, but this sacrifice will pay in huge dividends down the road. Below are some additional suggestions to help you let go of the guilt:
Carefully Consider Commitments
Moms often have a hard time saying "no," but now is the time to perfect the phrase, "I'm sorry, I just can't." If you are worried about sounding negative, try focusing on ways you can help—even if that means down the road.
Go ahead and pass on helping with the school carnival this year and ask to be called next year when your schedule will be more accommodating. If you do choose to get involved with your son's baseball team take on very specific responsibilities and avoid open-ended commitments. It's also a good idea to have a workable "plan B" when you are dealing with tight schedules. As tempting as it may be to want to help out don't make commitments you can't keep and be sure to keep the ones you can.
Teach the Art of Prioritizing and Comprising
Don't take on all of the problem-solving yourself. If you want to avoid feeling guilty for missing out on your children's activities get them involved in the solution.
Teach them the process of prioritizing responsibilities and let them help come up with a compromise that works for both of you. This will help alleviate your guilt and teach them a useful life skill.
Consider the Additional Benefits When Your "Mom" Role Is Limited
Let's face it—when you can't be all things to all people—family and friends may have to help out. This is not a bad thing. When others step up to the plate and help care for your children this allows them to create lasting bonds and relationships.
Chances are likely that your busy schedule will also mean that you children will have to help out more as well. This may help them foster independence. Being forced to take a step back and let others shoulder some of the responsibility of caring for your family can create a true atmosphere of teamwork.
Find Creative Ways to Stay Connected
Take advantage of today's technology to be more "present" in your children's lives.
- Tape yourself reading stories or singing songs to play for your toddler while you're at work.
- If you can't attend your daughter's dance recital have someone tape it for you and watch it together later.
- If a scheduling conflict keeps you from your son's soccer game, bake some cookies to send along as a little good luck treat.
Simple touches, like leaving notes in your child's lunch box, go a long way in showing that you care when you can't be there in person.
Remember: This Is Temporary
When you are in the middle of living at a hectic pace, it may seem that this will go on forever. Believe it or not, the time will come when you are done with school.
After graduation, you will have more hours to dedicate to your family. Keep this temporary status at the forefront of your mind. Also, it may be necessary to remind your family of what's at stake—it's important for the whole family to focus on the big picture. When everyone maintains a foward-looking perspective and has a positive attitude. Making sacrifices will be easier with a cooperative attitude.
Make Sure You Have Quality Time Together
You don't have to treat your children to ice cream and a movie to make your time together special. Instead make that time important by focusing just on them.
If you promised your daughter that you'd spend the afternoon together, this is not the time to multitask and catch up on the laundry as well. Playing games, reading stories or having long talks while going for a walk is all you have to do to show you care. Use this time to catch up, reconnect and just enjoy each other's company.
Show Concern, But Not Guilt
It is okay to sympathize with your children and express that you aren't happy with your current busy schedule. Let them know that you understand that they miss you and you miss them even more. However, refrain from expressing any guilty feelings you may be harboring.
Displaying signs of guilt sends the message that you are doing something wrong, when in fact you are benefiting your entire family.
Jennifer Applin is a freelance writer and will soon be the mother of six young children born within a 5-year span. Her writing focuses on strategies for busy parents to juggle it all.
Comments for Letting Go of Guilt:
1 comment(s)
katharine On Monday, April 26 2010
Wow. Im so thankful for this article, It most helpful. I've felt and still feel guilty about putting myself first to pursue school. The tips helps me feel a bit more comfortable but i would like to hear more because my heart still bleeds when I think about being away most of the time. I definetly need mind clearity on specific situtation that may arise while I purse my education.
Thanks, again
optimistic Reader