Breadwinner's Blues
- Dads feel the need to be financially successful so they can provide for their kids
- To do that, our careers become a critically important priority in our lives
- It's tough to balance work, family, and school, but the flexibility that comes with online learning can make things a little easier
Some people would assume that it's easy being a man. You're not expected to keep track of fashion or current style trends; it's faster to get ready in the morning without having to worry about things like makeup; you get to put your feet up, drink beer while watching the game and stuff like that.
But if you're a father, then there's another side to being a man. You're expected to take care of your family no matter what happens.
Society and Culture Influence Our Views About Fatherhood
When you think about a couple with kids, where the situation includes one spouse staying home while the other one goes to work, you're almost certainly picturing a family like Ward and June Cleaver. For better or worse, the immediate image that typically comes to mind is a stay-at-home mom and a dad who goes off to work every morning. In American society, there is greater pressure on the male parent to provide for the family. Think about it, if a family isn't doing well financially and no one's working, who gets called out first? Right: dear old dad.
Over and over, society reinforces the idea that mom is supposed to be nurturing and manage domestic duties while dad had better bring home the bacon. The 1979 movie Kramer vs. Kramer questioned society's assumptions about motherhood and fatherhood by depicting such a role reversal.
Negative Images of Fatherhood Persist
Fellas, if you've ever had trouble paying child support, you may be quickly labeled as just another "deadbeat dad." When was the last time you heard the phase "deadbeat mom"? Somehow, it just doesn't seem to have the same familiar ring to it. And if you're behind in payments and in arrear, there's no trial or even public defender for you. Our justice system gives you jail time for contempt of court. Don't expect pity. You'll get no sympathy from anyone. You, my friend, are a deadbeat dad, a loser among losers, lowest of the low.
Pressure to be a Good Provider Can Come from Within
For most of us, the pressure to provide for the family is internal. Most dads don't need someone else to tell them to be a good provider; we feel this way all by ourselves. Even when other people aren't putting that kind of pressure on us, it comes from within.
Such pressure fuels us with the desire to ensure we will do whatever it takes to take care of our kids' monetary needs. And if we can't, it's a terrible psychological blow. "Aren't I man enough to take care of everyone?" There are many guys out there who can identify with George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life.
Being the Breadwinner Can Be a Stimulus for Seeking Professional Advancement
With all that pressure, it's no wonder many dads are particularly career-oriented. We identify with our jobs, and they become a defining element to who we are. If we're in a line of work that doesn't pay well, we look to change careers. If we're doing okay, we seek out ways to do better.
Being career-focused and looking for better opportunities can be a source of stress. It is difficult being so vigilant; it's not good enough to have a secure job if it's a dead-end position without the possibility of advancing into higher positions.
Education Leads to Better Opportunities
But there's some good news in all this. The popularity and development of online universities has been great news for those wanting to do the most they can—working in an established career and advancing professionally.
Traditional schools have done their best to make it possible for working adults to go back to school by offering classes on evenings and weekends. But even with those additional class times, it's tough to add that to a schedule that also includes a job while keeping up with any kind of family life. This is not to suggest that earning a degree online is less work, because it certainly is not easier than on-campus programs. It allows you to complete your studies when it's convenient for you.
Online education leaves you with a lot of flexibility. For example, when your kid wants to throw a ball around, it's okay to put off your online class for an hour so you can be there for him. When you have a class at a local university, your schedule is rigid and harder to change.
Life as a working dad isn't always easy. But there are things that make it worth it. Online learning may not be in the same league as seeing your kids smile, but hey, we'll take what we can get.
Steve Foerster is an educational technologist and consultant based in Alexandria, Virginia. He serves on the Community Council of WikiEducator, a project that develops free educational materials for use in the developing world.
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